About Me
“When I help you feel good, I feel happy...
If everyone did yoga, Pilates or even chair-based exercises and followed their passion to dance or to move in some other way that gave them joy, there would be much less warfare and strife in the world.”
– Mary Louise King
MY STORY
By Mary Louise King
My story is about how I found JOY for myself and the various ways I teach others how to find it. It is about how I found the path of grace, but it wasn’t easy. Before I was able to do that, I let the words and actions of other people, including those to whom I was closest, influence me and make me feel bad about myself even to the extent of experiencing physical pain. It took me years to learn how to acknowledge those feelings rather than suppressing them and to let them go. In doing so, I had to learn to engage the right side of my brain instead of always letting the left side take control. I learned to grow from being an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan, but I didn’t do it just once. Instead, I had to relearn these lessons over and over.
If that seems like a lot, it is. But I hope that, by sharing it, I can help you and others overcome similar challenges and find the path of grace.
My path has led me to adopt this motto for my life: Lovely, light living – finding JOY in movement. Your path might lead you to a different philosophy, but I hope you can gain some insights by understanding my story.
A good place to start is with the "Innerviews" column the late Sandy Wells wrote for the Charleston Gazette. Here is part of what she wrote after interviewing me:
She’s a personal trainer. She teaches yoga and Pilates and leads an exercise class for seniors. And she dances whenever and wherever she can.
She radiates health, verve and confidence. A caring nature reflects inner serenity. She doesn’t look even close to her age.
She wasn’t always like this.
Mary Louise King remembers a withdrawn, awkward little girl mocked for her silver tooth and the disorder that gave her an odd, clumsy gait.
She describes herself as the poetic ugly duckling who blossomed into a graceful swan, a transformation she embraces as the defining theme of her life.
The journey wasn’t easy. Her mother’s encouragement meant everything. Yoga, Pilates and dancing strengthened her legs and released her from the agonizing repercussions of a herniated disc. Later, a diagnosis of psychosomatic hip pain led to counseling and introspection and a healing way of thinking.
Now the vibrant survivor shares her hard-got knowledge as she helps others stay mentally and physically fit.
Dancing fuels her soul.
Sandy Wells was a delightful interviewer. I had fun sharing my story with her, recalling my past and being appreciative of each event in my life as a gift, even though some came in disguise. She did well in encapsulating my story, but I have much more to tell.
The Early Years
I grew up in Irwin, Pennsylvania. I was very blessed to have a mom who was happy and full of energy – always ready and excited to do something.
My mom was very supportive and seemed always to know what to do or say to encourage me. I needed such encouragement because I was born somewhat handicapped with my toes and knees turned in. That made me very clumsy about everything. It seemed that I spilled my milk at every single meal.
Because I was such an awkward girl, I was very withdrawn. I was reluctant to speak for fear I would say something wrong. Making matters worse, when I was in second grade, I received a blow to my face that chipped my front tooth. It was crowned with a silver cap to preserve it until I grew older to allow the tooth to grow fully. At that time, none of the other kids around me had silver in their mouths, not even braces, so I stood out with silver on one of my central incisors. Others made fun of me, so I didn’t want to smile.
At the same time, I suffered from the type of parental discipline that was all too common in the 1950s. It included coercion and intimidation, using the fear of punishment to make children anxious and afraid of getting out of line, not knowing how to defend themselves. That’s the way it affected me. It mainly came from my dad, accompanied by much yelling and threats of physical harm. Once, after I became afraid of him and ran out of the house, he chased me around the neighborhood with a broom. When he tired of the chase, he said, “You’ll have to come home sometime, and you’ll be sorry you did this.”
Life seemed so confusing to me as a child, but I eventually discovered how to learn from my experiences and treat them as gifts. The good news is I learned not to discipline my children in such an out-of-control manner. It helped me develop kindness and empathy for those who made mistakes.
When I was eight years old, my maternal grandma helped me to understand that my purpose in life is to love and bless others, even when they are hurting me. She told me stories about Jesus. His purpose was to express love to me as well as to all the world. It was the first time in my life that I understood faith. Grandma helped me to grasp the concept that the loving hand of God has been continuously arranging the affairs of my life for my highest good. She said that, by believing that God lives in my heart, I could move forward in confidence, with faith, having full trust and even joyful expectation that God is arranging things on my behalf while I bless others with my thoughts. It was at that time that I let something shift inside me and started to believe that life works from the inside out. It became important to be in contact with my feelings, so I’d be aware when I was out of sorts, feeling fearful. In a childlike way, I switched inside from striving and scheming to try to change my life and the lives of others to believing that my circumstances would improve as my faith grew. Grandma described faith as joyful expectancy. The seeds of considering myself as an “individualist” rather than a “misfit” started to grow ever so slowly. At first, there was little evidence that I was growing confident.
In sixth grade, an accident in class delivered another blow to my confidence. During that school year of 1965-1966, the Norwin school district consolidated all the sixth graders with about 600 of us in just one building. As that school year neared an end, all of us had to take an important test that would determine our ranking in junior high. As I took the test, I urgently needed to go to the restroom, but the teacher would not excuse me. Back then, all of us girls wore dresses. I was unable to wait until the end of the period, so pee ran down my legs and onto the floor. When I returned to school, the other kids sang songs such as “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the pee.” They incorporated my name into the songs. Even my friends were embarrassed, and they excluded me from their social group.
Females start to bully other females in junior high. They do this by not allowing another girl into their group. They gossip about her and try to make her feel like an outcast. When it happened to me, I felt shunned, rejected, and worthless – thrown out like a piece of garbage that was trashed after no longer being useful.
However, what might have seemed like a misfortune was, in reality, a blessing, redirecting the course of my life to an unanticipated treasure. I set out on a new path, an adventure to find new friends. I learned to appreciate diversity as I sought friends who were different from me. As I opened my heart, I discovered my new friends accepted me as I was, and I enjoyed spending time with them. I learned it was a waste of time to try to get my original friends to love me, and I didn’t need to be in the popular group at school. It was better to be with those who appreciated me.
But being excluded from the popular group had its problems. The following year, my class was divided into two different schools for the junior high years of seventh through ninth. Early in seventh grade, a bunch of guys started to bully me during school hours. One day after school, one of them grabbed me and pushed me into a bush while the others laughed.
Having odd accidents, looking different because of my silver tooth, and being ostracized by some kids, made me feel like an ugly duckling. I wondered if there was any place I could fit in. I didn’t realize it at the time, but history is filled with outcasts who are forced to proceed in different directions than they intended. It wasn’t easy, but I had to learn how to elevate my perspective. I developed a readiness to embark on new ventures, not afraid of new situations and meeting new people. I also had to rediscover some old lessons.
My Mom's Encouragement
I give much credit to my mom for my development. She was my encourager. Mom taught me to “think something nice about Mary Louise.” Mom would talk about having “quiet confidence,” helping me to remember that God’s grace is at work, bringing about my desires in better ways than I could imagine. When I was a young girl, she put me into dance class, so I would strengthen my legs. However, I was the clumsiest kid in the class. Other girls did not want to partner with me because they couldn’t count on me to remember the steps and perform them well. The more I tried to reduce my anxiety and to control myself and the situation I was in, the clumsier I got. Mom suggested that I should not try so hard. She said the other girls would like me better if I was friendly and liked myself. That lesson became useful later in my life as new doors opened and I was exposed to new and different people. My struggles to accept myself helped me realize how other people felt when they were unsure of themselves. In a very immature way, I was learning that if I was feeling tension from trying too hard, I was not being true to myself. The key was to relax and play to be my authentic, true self.
Mom would often say, “Pretty is as pretty does.” The character qualities she emphasized as “pretty” were gratitude and grace. In addition, Mom explained that resentment would grow if I didn’t look for what is good in every situation. She told me God had designed a big plan for me and my life. She would say, “Let’s try to find something to be thankful for.” Mom taught me to accept life events, so that my life would blossom and not become a stinky mess. She promised me that, if I could forgive, resentment would be rooted out and replaced by peace and joy. I learned a healthy way of thinking – “Bloom where I am planted.” When I was under her care, all of life seemed like a gift, no matter how difficult it was. The seeds of how to live heroically by simply being me were planted in my soul.
In essence, Mom gave me a vision that my difficulties would give birth to my greatest gifts if I let go of attitudes that were unhealthy for my growth. The gift I received somewhat later in my life was JOY. In return, it has been the greatest gift I've given to others.
Mom taught me that beauty comes from inside me and is reflected outward. I believed her and accepted this graceful truth into my heart. As I expressed the Grace of God, which I believed I had living in me outwards to others, grace outshined my silver tooth! I noticed that people saw the silver tooth first, but soon they could look past it to the true person who lived inside of me. Accepting my embarrassing moments gracefully helped me to know how to help someone else who was experiencing similar moments. I developed a caring nature because of letting go of the belief that I didn’t have to be perfect to be a loving and kind person. It was such a relief to know that I didn’t have to figure out ways to impress others to gain their admiration. My purpose was to learn to love people as I loved myself.
I learned not to be so afraid of what people said - or the songs they sang about me. I got through humiliation by laughing at myself and by laughing with the people laughing at me. Inward grace taught me to love myself "just as I am," and eventually inner JOY sprung forth and blossomed in my life from rightly responding to these experiences. The Grace of God has much to do with being grateful and seeing the lovely parts of life.
High School Years
Eventually, my body caught up with these inner transformations. Thankfully, my legs grew stronger, and I became more athletic. In tenth grade, I became a gymnast, a diver on the swimming team, and a girls’ basketball player. During a basketball game, a girl charged into me and knocked out the front tooth that we had preserved all those years with the silver crown. Perhaps whatever I was supposed to learn about being different by having a silver cap on my tooth was accomplished. My mom saved her money and paid for me to get a permanent bridge in my mouth. It reminded me to smile and to remember God has a plan to use difficulties to create beauty when I respond with grace.
Feeling pretty, I developed more poise. I became a cheerleader during my junior and senior years of high school. I also was involved in many other activities, including choir. I was one of the dancers who performed in front of the choir. I wore many costumes and enjoyed being on stage.
I even ran for homecoming queen at my high school and Diamond Jubilee queen in my community, but I was not chosen. I served as my town's Easter bunny and dressed up for promotions for the Irwin businesses. My parents were involved in the business community after they opened their store, Interiors by Woleslagle, on March 11, 1970, when I was in tenth grade. Because of that, I also became very involved in activities to help Irwin’s business community.
I graduated high school in a class of 659 students in 1972. Only one of them chose to attend the same university that I did.
College
I was the first person in my family ever to attend college. I went to West Virginia University with the intention of becoming a physical therapist and helping other handicapped children. However, during my sophomore year, I changed my major to interior design because my mother needed help in her store. At that time, my mom was crying a lot because of my dad’s drinking.
I enjoyed being very active at WVU. I also was very kind and treated people the way I wanted to be treated. As a result, during my senior year in 1975, I was honored to be selected as one of three girls out on the football field in the running for Ms. Mountaineer. I didn’t win, but it was an exciting ceremony at halftime during the most thrilling game of the football season. My parents were seated on the first row at the 50-yard-line for the game in which WVU beat its rival, the University of Pittsburgh, even though Pitt had the famous Tony Dorsett (who won the Heisman Trophy and led his team to a national championship one year later). As Mountaineer fans celebrated, I felt very good about how far I had come since my years of being the clumsy girl with the silver tooth. I got a glimpse of the wonderful story God was developing of my life. I could see that life is not about getting, it’s about giving.
My life made a full circle 34 years later, when my younger son, Caleb, was running for Mr. Mountaineer. Like me, he didn’t win, but he was a runner-up. This time, it was my son, his dad and me out on the football field at halftime. I enjoyed repeating a memorable moment of my past with a more mature perspective. My son and I were two small hearts in a big university who did what we could to help others succeed and we were honored for our efforts.
Marriage and My Adult Years (24-49)
My mother had hoped I would use my degree in interior design to help her in the family’s store, but I got married soon after I graduated from WVU and moved to Charleston, West Virginia. I did use my degree while working at Boll Furniture, but that was only until my first son, Josh, was born.
Although I became a stay-at-home mom, I still did some interior design work on a freelance basis. I didn’t have my clients pay me money. Instead, I asked them to “pay it forward.” That meant that, after I used my talent to help them, they were to use their talents to help someone else.
The photo here shows me with my dad and mom, my maternal grandma and my two young sons.
During those years as a stay-at-home mom, I also served as a mentor to many young women. I taught young mothers’ groups what I had learned about “blooming where you are planted.” I told them we all have something to do, right where we are. Finding my place in the community introduced me to many interesting people.
By being available, I was able to help a mom homeschool her daughter. I brought her daughter to my house every day to study.
Another mom was giving birth to her fourth child when her appendix broke! When her baby was five days old, I brought him to live at my house while his mother recuperated. I was his surrogate mom for the first month of his life until his mom felt well enough to come to my home for a while to get stronger.
Later, I became the best friend for eight years of an older gentleman, retired Major General Charles Ralph Fox. He had served during World War II and also as West Virginia’s adjutant general under two governors. He lived right up the road from me, and my sons cut his grass. After his wife died, he felt alone and depressed, so I kept him active by taking him everywhere with me. I enjoyed caring for him, but it became harder. As he entered his 90s, he started falling down a lot. My efforts to take care of him contributed to herniating a disc in my back, resulting in extreme pain in my left leg. I had to drag my left and lift it to move it forward. My calf muscle atrophied, and my foot was numb.
As an adult, I had to draw upon the grace and strength I had developed by going through my childhood difficulties of having weak legs and feet.
Overcoming a Herniated Disc- Ages 49-52
Instead of opting for surgery, I chose to try using yoga and Pilates to strengthen my legs. In the process, I became the youngest member of SilverSneakers® classes, in which the older adults helped me to get healthier through exercise. Over three years, I regained the use of my left leg. The kindness of those people inspired me to certify to teach yoga, Pilates and other fitness classes, including SilverSneakers®, which is a benefit of many Medicare Advantage plans, as a way to “pay it forward” for the help I received in my time of need.
Career Change - Age 52
In January 2007, I made another circle in my life by becoming nationally certified as a personal trainer. I had originally gone to WVU to become a physical therapist and to help other handicapped children, so by becoming a fitness instructor and personal trainer later in life, I returned to what I dreamed of doing for others when I was a young lady.
I am grateful that, having worked through the troubles in my life, I understand better how to be healthier mentally, physically and emotionally. With all these experiences, I am better prepared to help others have more abundant lives.
I told Sandy Wells, “That’s what I do in my classes. I try to help people come out of themselves and look at themselves and smile at themselves. We need to be kinder to ourselves and show self-compassion.”
My group classes are open to anyone in our area, as well as to out-of-town visitors. We have a sense of connection as we help each other.
My Divorce
My former husband would sometimes ask for a divorce. While we were married, he "loved" me because that was God's commandment, but he did not "like" me.
Interpersonal conflicts are never enjoyable, but they motivated me to grow in new ways as I loved, blessed, did good and prayed. That was really hard to do, but I received spiritual strength to know and trust God, which was worth the struggle. As I look back on my life, I am thankful for my difficulties and the blessings they brought to my life.
I filed for a divorce as an act of faith after my sons were married. I knew deep down that divorce and separation would open doors for God to work on our behalf to help us love unconditionally.
Unconditional love is not a transaction. There are no expectations. I don’t expect my family to pay me back for the love I gave to them. There’s great freedom in unconditional love because each person in my family is free to live their lives without thinking they owe me something. This commitment to unconditional love was mine before as well as after my divorce.
As my divorce grew nearer, I got caught up with concern over every little unresolved problem. I vacillated back-and-forth between trying to control the outcome and wanting to run away from it all. Sometimes my love felt like “striving to love,” which included anxiety. Eventually, I figured it out and opened my heart to God. I let go of all my efforts to fix my marriage. I decided the most loving approach would be to stand aside and let the power of God flow unobstructed into our affairs – healing, restoring, and resolving.
Once I saw a pair of geese in the same situation. Geese mate for life, but one of the pair had died. The other one stayed with her mate, confused as to why he was not responding. She stayed until she could stay no longer. I watched as she got anxious, perceiving danger and feeling lonely. Her loyalty was strong, but eventually, she had to fly away for her own good. I felt like that goose when my marriage died.
I filed for divorce in April 2014 when both of us were almost 60 years old, but I didn’t go through with it then. I relented to my then-husband’s request to try to reconcile by doing more interesting activities together. We chose ballroom dancing. I went to weekly lessons, but he attended only a few before he dropped out.
As I said in my interview with Sandy Wells, “I got into ballroom dancing to try to reconnect with my husband. It didn’t work. He wouldn’t go to the lessons. I took private lessons for five months. When I danced, I forgot all about my problems. My legs got stronger, and I became lighter on my feet.”
One year after first filing for a divorce, I filed again. During that year, my anxiety grew. The more I tried to pull my former husband closer, the more he resisted. The good news is I re-learned a valuable lesson I learned when I was younger and being bullied: there’s no need to convince anyone of anything. Trying to do so is a disadvantage because it is motivated by fear, and fear carries its own seed of destruction. Once again, I tried too hard to make the right impression with my husband, and when I could not, I felt great anxiety, which indicates that my mind was tuning into fearful, rather than faithful, thoughts. It’s no wonder then that my efforts were not perceived as loving.
Proceeding with the divorce was hard because my former husband told me he would end our friendship of 40 years. He said he would not only abandon me, but he would make it difficult for me to visit our sons and grandchildren. I would never be allowed to visit my family when he was present.
However, I was able to hold onto an unshakable faith in God. I filed for divorce as a way of being willing to surrender my limited perspectives and exchange my thoughts and feelings for the faith that problems can be miraculously solved.
And even though I knew divorce was going to cause more pain, I knew it was the right choice for me because it symbolized getting the problem out of my hands and into God’s hands.
Divorce represented my willingness to let go and let God do it. I trusted God to make the adjustments needed. I accepted my situation by not resigning to disappointment but by anticipating greater good for both of us. Through God’s help, I planted a seed of faith. I know not all seeds sprout and grow, but if our love for each other was to grow, God would be the one to make that happen. I released my worries and anxieties from my conscious mind and allowed my subconscious and the universal mind of God to work on it.
At that time, letting go helped me to see the good rather than being overwhelmed by the seemingly negative. And putting my faith in God rather than my limiting concerns, inspired optimism in me.
Post-Divorce Pain
After my divorce, I realized that my former husband spoke truthfully about not allowing me to spend time with my grandchildren when he was visiting them. On our first Thanksgiving after our divorce, I was not allowed to talk to my grandchildren on the phone because he was present. My eyes were opened to see my life was going to be much different. I became worried about my relationship with my sons and about the financial concerns that single women sometimes have.
Not wanting to focus on these worries, I repressed a lot of emotions, such as anxiety, fear, and anger, that I should have allowed to come out and be noticed for what they were. Things I couldn’t change were bothering me subconsciously.
I didn’t know how I could support myself. I became a part of the “working poor.” I had only low-paying jobs.
I felt overwhelmed. I forgot what I had learned earlier in my life about how to let go of the pain and move along in life. Negative thoughts kept running like loops in my brain. The ugly duckling’s search for personal identity I had when I was little returned. My sense of belonging was thwarted. I suffered from a sense of loneliness because I was so attached to my roles of being an outstanding wife, mother, and grandmother.
Five months after my divorce, I woke up one morning with a pain in my right hip that wouldn’t go away. It got worse. My doctor put me on pain pills for a day. Instead of dancing and teaching and doing what I love to do, I rested, which was the worst thing I could’ve done because it gave me time to compulsively think about how lonely I felt.
The next morning, the pain was so great that I passed out. My face turned red, and I had convulsions. A friend called an ambulance, which took me to the hospital. Brain-wave tests, a cardiac test and x-rays found nothing physically wrong with me.
I spoke about how I dealt with these problems on April 20, 2022, as part of the “Three Things” program of speakers held by FestivALL in Charleston, West Virginia, in which each speaker addresses three topics: “My First, My Favorite, My Future.” On April 7, 2024, I put a video of my speech on YouTube. Here is the link: https://youtu.be/TT8pMXXKljk.
Could It Be Psychosomatic Pain?
I asked myself this question: How could this severe pain show up for no reason? My neurologists at the hospital suggested that it could result from emotional pain that I had repressed.
I opened to this new possibility by asking myself, “Could it be psychosomatic pain?” I went to my pastor and Kanawha Pastoral Counseling Center for counseling to explore the possibility. I also turned to a book that I had read earlier in my life by the late Dr. John Sarno: Healing Back Pain, The Mind-Body Connection.
According to Sarno’s theory, my subconscious was trying to hide the source of my pain because it thought my emotional pain was too much for me to bear. Was my subconscious distracting me from psychological pain by depleting my muscles of oxygen, causing physical pain?
I felt like the goose that flew away from her dead mate. My marriage was dead, and most of what seemed important to me in my past roles had changed. The only constant in the universe is change, and nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. I wondered who I am supposed to meet, or help, while I’m in this change? What wonderful thing is going to come of all of this?
As always, I found comfort in the story of Jesus. He had some family issues, even though he had a loving mother. His brothers criticized him and considered him an embarrassment. His purpose was to love the world and to trust God to work out all the details. This calling didn’t result in family love. Jesus was motivated by love, and he lived by choice, not self-protection. He went on with his life and made new friends. He was persecuted and crucified, so he suffered much physical pain, but we know that was not the end of his story. His life is a blessing to the whole world.
By considering Jesus’s story, I concluded that I could continue to abandon myself to the miracle working power of God’s love in my situation. My prayer was: Divine Love, through me, go before me. Smooth out all the bumps. Restore peace and magnify joy. Whatever it is, I know God’s love is solving it.
Just Keep Walking and Dreaming and Letting Go
Just as I had been bullied early in my life, I experienced bullying again after my divorce. A person I admired said I needed to be punished with church discipline for getting a divorce when there was no infidelity. I was not welcome in that person’s circle anymore. Just as Jesus did, I gracefully bowed out. Now, I am enjoying my journey with all the new people God has put in that person’s place.
From my divorce experience, I have learned to notice my feelings. I realize that, whenever I worry that I might not get something important or that I might lose something that I already have, these feelings indicate that I’ve lost my faith in God. I’ve lost my joyful expectancy. Instead of having ill-feeling thoughts, I realize I can replace them with something better. I can make a course correction and take a break from finding fault. Instead of worrying about what I don’t want to happen, I can imagine what I would love to happen.
My counselor said that guilt, shame, and other painful emotions could be resolved little by little during my dream time as I let go of them every night before bed. He taught me to unplug the energy I was giving to these painful emotions. He encouraged me to sleep because God could use sleep to transform my thoughts into something beautiful. This process would happen over time, just as an oyster coats an irritant or difficulty with nacre, making a pearl. I was to be compassionate to myself because whatever I think upon will grow. He asked me to occupy my mind with love, so love would be magnified in my life.
I wear pearls every day to remind me that God is making something beautiful out of all the irritants and difficulties in my life.
I could say much more about my psychosomatic pain and how I overcame it. I have put many of those thoughts into my blogs, so please read them if you are interested.
Move a Muscle. Change an Emotion.
I believe God guided me to concentrate on movement and socialization as I became healthier following my divorce. Movement and socialization improved my life. As I changed, the people around me changed, and circumstances improved.
In this process of healing, I learned to release expectations of what I thought should happen and instead follow these simple divine guidelines of movement and socialization.
As I cast my burdens on God and released the significance I had placed on them, the outcomes I received were better than I expected. I visualized myself throwing love at my family situation. I learned it was best to use play to accomplish this and to allow joy to be my compass. I resumed doing whatever was in front of me to do. I said “yes” to life, and my life expanded.
I believe God prearranged for me to have a whole new group of dancing friends for socialization after my divorce. When I began to attend group lessons, I met Jim Wallace, who became my regular partner and close friend. I discovered that the movement of dance transformed everything for me for the better. I did not want to complain about my divorce or what caused it because that seemed like focusing on what I didn’t want. I adjusted my sails and steered towards what made me feel happy. Dance helped me to step into life rather than shrinking from it.
I lowered the bar for what I expected from my family and started to understand in a very heartfelt way that unconditional love is not a transaction. My mom’s words to me as a young dancer came to mind, “Don’t try so hard, Mary Louise. The others will like you better if you just relax and have fun.” And I believe that while I’m having fun and being creative, God is arranging things on my behalf. All I need to do is keep enjoying what I’m doing.
Life is not meant to be a struggle. I released the old, and I am renewed! Faith has empowered me to keep trusting in God’s goodness, regardless of the outcome.
Healing and Moving Forward
Nine months after my divorce, after my hip pain was gone, Jim Wallace and I performed two dances at the Bollywood fundraiser put on by the local Indian community. We performed Latin-style dance moves to a song from an Indian movie and to a Western pop song in front of about 900 people on a lighted stage at what then was the Charleston Civic Center. I was perfectly healthy again in body, mind and spirit. I had a wonderful time, dancing as if no one was watching. I felt great joy in being graceful like the swan I always wanted to be.
As I entered the Charleston dance community, I learned about and joined all seven of the local ballroom and Latin dance clubs, in addition to other clubs that specialize in shag, West Coast swing and salsa. I had not been aware of those dance opportunities before I started taking lessons from Craig Giffin, Julia McCormick and Steve Prowse. After their deaths, I got the vision of honoring them by continuing their work. I am carrying their baton. I opened my LLC, Charleston WV Dance, on December 13, 2016. It has allowed me to earn income while helping others find the joy of dance.
Other Dance Opportunities
Along with being a ballroom and Latin dance instructor, I continually update the Charleston WV Dance Facebook page I created to provide our dance community with a place on the internet to find what dances are being held in our area. It also informs out-of-town guests where they can dance when they visit our town.
I am so thankful that I found dance. Dancing fuels my soul. When I dance, it’s like a form of heaven on earth. It feels as though nothing, except freedom and lighthearted dancing, exists. It’s as if I am floating across the floor and using brain cells that fire only when I am being creative. I am transported to another world, full of grace and joy.
However, I want to emphasize that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful. We all must just take one step at a time on the path placed in front of us, knowing something wonderful, as well as mysterious, lies beyond.
All that’s left of my past is a blessing. Thank you, God, for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever.
A Secret
And since you’ve read this far in my story, I trust you enough to tell you a secret about another stage of increased growth in faith in my life. In 1982, I had a small “fender-bender” car accident. Two years later, my then-husband and I were sued. The lawsuit lasted three years, and by the end of the second year of the lawsuit, I was depressed and exhausted. I didn’t feel as though I had the strength to go on in life. My friends helped me, and once again, I connected to God in a deep and personal way. I put into practice what my mom taught me earlier – to see life’s events with gratitude and to wait for the dark night of my soul to pass, forgiving always. I eventually found peace amidst what felt like being spun around and not knowing what direction to take. There is an eye in the center of a hurricane, a silver lining in every storm.
At the young age of 33, during the lawsuit, I learned how to be the center in the wheel of my family. After suffering for a while because I didn’t want the threats and fear that accompanied the lawsuit, I rose out of the stinky muck of my own thoughts and became the stable one in our family. In this vision I had of my life, my family members were like the spokes of the wheel. If I kept myself stable and connected to the axle – the source of power – everyone else was all right no matter how bumpy the ride.
The process I used to save my life from depression and provide a stable environment for my children involved discovering my “whole brain” and all that was built into it as resources I could use. Although my left brain could not even think positively, my right brain could sing songs. I started to “sing a new song unto the Lord.” In other words, I sang my prayers. I had discovered this earlier in my life – that a part of me could experience gratitude and joy amid difficulty. The new revelation was that it was the right side of my brain doing this for me.
After being able to rest through singing and gentle movement, the left side of my brain, the analytical side, developed a plan. I wrote out my prayer on an index card, which I put on a shelf in my kitchen that I named, “God’s Shelf.” Since the left brain is time oriented, I allowed myself only 15 to 30 minutes a day to look at this card and to pray for everyone involved to be joyful, happy and in love with themselves. Then, I would put the card away on God’s Shelf. I told my left brain that God was handling it, and I didn’t need to keep checking in on His ability to handle the situation. This basic plan worked!
It wasn’t as if I became apathetic about my situation. I wasn’t like a parked car. I continued to move forward, keeping centered on the axle and source of power available to me. The ideas of what to do daily seemed to come from an area of my brain associated with the present moment. Bravery, courage, gumption and enthusiasm seemed to arise and propel me and my family forward.
At the time of the lawsuit, I had only one young son. We looked for answers to questions such as: What do we like in our world? What good do we do as individuals and as a family? What can we be positive about? What are we grateful for?
One result of asking these questions was that, instead of thinking that the people who were suing us were “taking” money, we regarded it as “giving” them money.
At the same time in my life, I learned all animals “shake” when they feel threatened. We added movement to our days together. I added large physical movements to the mix of various songs that I was singing, and voila, I was dancing.
I have posted a video on how I overcame depression. I talked about some things I did to help myself. It was published on October 16, 2022. This is the link: https://youtu.be/httfFnOUzxA.
Lovely Light Living Concepts
I share comforting ideas on my Lovely Light Living YouTube channel. I’ve learned how to engage the right side of my brain and stay in the present moment. To me, this is the process involved in “Seeking First the Kingdom of God.” I found it on the right side of my brain! When I stay in the present moment, I can experience the peace that passes understanding, which gives me control over my story. I admire other people who are heroes and who stand in peace. It is a vision, as well as goal of my life, to find the peace of God and to be the hero of my own story.
In 2021, I discovered why my method of using both sides of my brain worked. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD, addresses this type of thinking from a scientific perspective in her book, Whole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life. She suggests using a “brain huddle,” which engages all parts of our brain. That was the same process that I learned by trial and error.
My brain huddles gave me the chance to ask all parts of my brain – “Is the belief I’m holding onto true?” and “How can I let go of this pain?” When I used every part of my brain, I had many more resources available to me. My brain huddles are what moved me forward.
I am grateful that, when I was a young lady, I learned to walk through time, thinking I was on a journey towards the peace of God, finding light on my pathway for each individual step. The terrain might have been difficult, but even as a child with a silver tooth, I learned how to find strength for the journey. I’ve made many transitions in my life as I walked with the “Grace of God.” Each test has strengthened me and blessed me with more JOY.
Now, no matter daily troubles are going on outside, I can dance and make big movements with my body, the same way a child plays, while moving through life. I don’t have to feel “stuck” anymore, which previously occurred when I looked back and stuffed down my emotions. During those times, I hurt myself by holding on to a hurtful story. When I did some accounting, I found I had so much to be grateful for – much more grace than any small mistake I or someone else made. The lessons I learned have made me feel content. I am grateful, and I like “blooming where I’m planted.” I've gone through harsh and trying winters, emerging in the spring with more vitality and color. These lovely concepts about life all came about by finding the “Grace of God” and using my whole brain to live abundantly.
Even though I know these concepts, it’s been an act of faith to just keep on walking, skipping and dancing. Sometimes, softening my gaze helps me see peace rather than focusing so hard on all the details. As author and motivational speaker Vivian Greene once said, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” We just need to go on dancing no matter how we feel or what the circumstances are. Movement is a key ingredient to finding JOY.
My mom is more than 93 years old. She is in the process of selling the store she has operated for more than 54 years. I am grateful for her example, and we help each other walk in Grace. I am thankful I’ve had her by my side for all these years that I’ve been in personal growth training. At her retirement party, she encouraged other local businesses to “keep on keeping on” and “ask God for help.” It's the story of our lives.
This poem from Tahlia Hunter reflects what I have experienced:
Confidence visited me
And it reminded me
To not conceal or suppress my gifts and talents
In order to make others feel more comfortable
But to embrace what makes me me
I like the quotation from The Ugly Duckling, a children's story by Hans Christian Andersen: “Never lose hope, for even the smallest of hearts can find their place in this world.” My heart has been adorned with acceptance, kindness and grace, and I can thank all the difficulties I’ve experienced for providing this wisdom. I’ve found JOY for myself, and I am helping others to find it. I hope my story encourages and inspires you to enjoy lovely, light living in your own personal way.
My Purpose
is to help you have a sense of confidence about your body so that you can pursue your desires in life.
